[Scheisse, really? He doesn't want to talk to anybody, but he knows if he doesn't answer the door then a fuss will likely be kicked up. So he drags himself off the bed with a groan-- he's still lightheaded from what happened right after the trial-- and answers the door. Aside from the bruises around his eyes and nose from his fall on Friday morning, his skin looks paler than usual.]
Erhard sighs and backs into his room, going to sit on the bed. He doesn't invite Riku in, but the fact that he hasn't slammed the door in the teen's face might be a sign that he's willing to talk?]
He'll take it and come into the room, shutting the door behind him. ]
...I'm not just here because of that single topic of discussion, either. I believe that it's a good idea for people to have the support they need in the darkest of times.
[ Seeing Erhard's reactions throughout the trial was enough to stir the worry within him. He's a person who usually stands to the side, on account of being quiet, but he sees a familiarity in the other that's made him want to reach out. ]
[Erhard's posture is very closed off and he won't make eye contact with Riku. He doesn't sound cold when he speaks, just... toneless. Emotionless.]
You really think talking will make any of this right.
[He'd been trying to reconcile the Akira that asked him for tutoring with the person who killed a friend. The disconnect tore at him so much that he simply gave up. He has to bury it all, find the walls and bottles he once had, and become the person that barely blinked at a 250 year sentence once again.]
[It doesn't matter. Not much does right now. He has one purpose: to heal the sickness and injuries of others. Anything beyond that is extraneous, unnecessary, complicating.]
Ann said something similar. She insisted that being open to others was important. Now look at her.
"Now look at her"? Didn't you hear what she said at the end of the trial? She picked herself right back up when all was said and done.
[ But Riku knew that she was likely speaking to others in confidence. It was undeniable she was hurting, but she wasn't alone.
He's nothing like Sora, who'd undoubtedly know what to say. But he can't find it easy for himself to not want to try. ]
I used to believe there was no point in someone like me with getting close to others. That I was only suited to darkness after what I'd done.
But I know that's not true. We aren't meant to just exist in darkness—we're meant to be in the light as well, even if isn't in the same amounts as everyone else.
If you came here to lecture me, you're wasting your time. You don't know my past, even I don't remember most of it. For all you know, you're trying to pep talk a murderer.
[Erhard's fingers are doing their twitchy stress-clenching at his sides again, but his voice remains low and even, if raspy from his earlier shouting.]
I'd like to think there's more to someone than their usefulness or what they can do. But, I'm grateful that you've been able to help us the way you have...even if it doesn't seem like much with what's happening.
[ Riku finally takes a spot to lean against a wall, crossing his arms. ]
We're childhood friends. Can't get any closer than that.
I've always known it made him a possibility for being a target. But, Sora's smarter than he looks. Anyone who believes he'd go down easily or at all will find out the hard way.
[ That's right, Riku doesn't think Sora is 100% dumb. ]
I didn't think Akira would be that type of person either, and even though it's no excuse there are things that can twist people. Have them so stuck deep in their pain, that it'll take a lot to get through to them.
I was sixteen when an unknown biological agent killed hundreds of people at the college where I was studying. I was the only survivor, and my memory was damaged. But because of my medical knowledge, I was considered to be the only person who could've killed all those people. So they locked me up for bioterrorism. 250 years in prison, and I've served eight so far.
I was the only person on the scene who could've created and unleashed something so deadly, and I would've known how to protect myself from it. I'm sure there were those who didn't believe my amnesia was real, either.
And they needed someone to blame, so people would feel safe. I had no way to prove I was innocent, and my reputation as someone distant and emotionless only made the accusations fit more closely.
It doesn't matter. Without concrete proof that I didn't do it, I won't be exonerated. Everyone I've told so far has been varying degrees of sympathetic or even outraged, but you can't overturn my sentence.
[He doesn't sound angry or even hopeless. There might be some measure of resignation, but other than that his words are hollow.]
If I don't stay with the Foundation, I'll be terminated as an unneeded instance or sent back to my world, which means dying in prison. That's the life I have.
[ He's not the type of person who normally would have a lot of words, but there's something about this that strikes him, even if he takes pause. It's possible he's just like those people who approached the other man, as he said, were outraged or sympathetic. But, even so. Even so. ]
But, if you had a choice in that world of yours, you wouldn't want to live a life like that. So, why should you live a life tied down by regrets?
It took awhile for me, but eventually I didn't. [ He'll let the implications there stand for itself. He's pretty damn sure when he helped Destiny Islands fall into darkness, there were people who never returned. And still, his friends willingly welcomed him back, knowing what he did.
Knowing that he tried to kill one of them, even. ] And I know, maybe it's too much to accept right now - it wasn't easy for me, it won't be easy for you. Maybe you won't ever accept it, but at the very least, it's something to think about - the idea of making a new life, surrounded by people who would be willing to accept you for you that lives in the now. Within the Foundation or even beyond your world.
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... what do you want?
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[ He's dealt with Natsuno for months now, he's not fazed by the grumpiness. ]
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Erhard sighs and backs into his room, going to sit on the bed. He doesn't invite Riku in, but the fact that he hasn't slammed the door in the teen's face might be a sign that he's willing to talk?]
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He'll take it and come into the room, shutting the door behind him. ]
...I'm not just here because of that single topic of discussion, either. I believe that it's a good idea for people to have the support they need in the darkest of times.
[ Seeing Erhard's reactions throughout the trial was enough to stir the worry within him. He's a person who usually stands to the side, on account of being quiet, but he sees a familiarity in the other that's made him want to reach out. ]
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You really think talking will make any of this right.
[He'd been trying to reconcile the Akira that asked him for tutoring with the person who killed a friend. The disconnect tore at him so much that he simply gave up. He has to bury it all, find the walls and bottles he once had, and become the person that barely blinked at a 250 year sentence once again.]
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[ Riku's voice is plain, not even gentle.
He's a little rough around the edges and it shows, but he doubts it matters to the Doctor right now. ]
I don't think any bit of small talking will make any of this right. But I also don't believe facing it alone is the solution.
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Ann said something similar. She insisted that being open to others was important. Now look at her.
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[ But Riku knew that she was likely speaking to others in confidence. It was undeniable she was hurting, but she wasn't alone.
He's nothing like Sora, who'd undoubtedly know what to say. But he can't find it easy for himself to not want to try. ]
I used to believe there was no point in someone like me with getting close to others. That I was only suited to darkness after what I'd done.
But I know that's not true. We aren't meant to just exist in darkness—we're meant to be in the light as well, even if isn't in the same amounts as everyone else.
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[Erhard's fingers are doing their twitchy stress-clenching at his sides again, but his voice remains low and even, if raspy from his earlier shouting.]
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You're right, I don't know. But I do know people aren't only defined by their past.
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[Before they're killed, apparently. His fingers briefly clench into tight fists before relaxing, but again his expression and voice don't change.]
You and Sora are very close.
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[ Riku finally takes a spot to lean against a wall, crossing his arms. ]
We're childhood friends. Can't get any closer than that.
[ Actually, they can but shh. ]
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What will you do when someone kills him?
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[ Said...calmly. Riku hasn't thought about it and for good reason. ]
But I think that's also less a 'when' and more of an 'if', don't you think?
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[Erhard lowers his head again.]
Ryuji and Takumi both trusted Akira, and now one of them is dead. We thought we knew him, but we didn't. He had us all fooled.
[Erhard wanted to believe in Akira. To be proven wrong hurts more than he'll openly admit.]
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I've always known it made him a possibility for being a target. But, Sora's smarter than he looks. Anyone who believes he'd go down easily or at all will find out the hard way.
[ That's right, Riku doesn't think Sora is 100% dumb. ]
I didn't think Akira would be that type of person either, and even though it's no excuse there are things that can twist people. Have them so stuck deep in their pain, that it'll take a lot to get through to them.
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[People are safer if he pushes them away. He can be professional without acting as anyone's friend.]
I am a murderer, after all. I was in prison when the Foundation took me.
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[ ... ]
Wouldn't be the first time I've met someone who said they were a murderer and turned out to not be so bad.
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[Because you're both trying too hard to think well of him.]
You're not going to ask me why I call myself a killer?
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For a reason. ]
I didn't want to open up old wounds if it wasn't something you wouldn't want to talk about. But, if you don't mind sharing, I'd like to hear why.
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[Because he wants to put this in perspective for the teenager.]
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[ So, close, kind of, he supposes. ]
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They locked you up based on your knowledge alone?
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And they needed someone to blame, so people would feel safe. I had no way to prove I was innocent, and my reputation as someone distant and emotionless only made the accusations fit more closely.
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...That sure is a flash of something intense and emotional in his eyes. ]
That doesn't make you a killer. If anything that just proves how blind and desperate they are.
[ ... ]
As far as I'm concerned, that's all just circumstantial, and with no real proof that doesn't really mean you're as guilty as they assume you are.
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[He doesn't sound angry or even hopeless. There might be some measure of resignation, but other than that his words are hollow.]
If I don't stay with the Foundation, I'll be terminated as an unneeded instance or sent back to my world, which means dying in prison. That's the life I have.
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But, if you had a choice in that world of yours, you wouldn't want to live a life like that. So, why should you live a life tied down by regrets?
It took awhile for me, but eventually I didn't. [ He'll let the implications there stand for itself. He's pretty damn sure when he helped Destiny Islands fall into darkness, there were people who never returned. And still, his friends willingly welcomed him back, knowing what he did.
Knowing that he tried to kill one of them, even. ] And I know, maybe it's too much to accept right now - it wasn't easy for me, it won't be easy for you. Maybe you won't ever accept it, but at the very least, it's something to think about - the idea of making a new life, surrounded by people who would be willing to accept you for you that lives in the now. Within the Foundation or even beyond your world.